Momarie

Have you ever heard some news and a strange an unusual feeling overtakes your every thought and action for the rest of the day? That happens to me quite frequently and today was no exception when bad news came. Sitting in Sunday service, it was announced that a member of our congregation was currently in the hospital having a heart attack. Without warning it (this strange feeling a death grip) hit and everything slowed down. Numbness like melting ice starting to run it's way through my body. God, why does this happen? I could hear the congregation praying for this individual, but I couldn't shake this feeling. I tried opening my mouth to get back to reality, but nothing came. Someone touched me and I couldn't feel a thing. I began to speak to myself and tried to rationalize what was happening, but still nothing. Service was over and I found it difficult to move and when I did move it was like moving through a thick cloud. What is this and why does it happen every time there is news, good or bad. Once I asked myself and God, am I an alien on a strange planet and this is my way of staying in touch? Really, is this anyway for an educated person to be thinking? Then again why not. I guess some medical doctor would tell me that I was having some kind of epileptic seizure or maybe I was even bi-polar. Guess only God knows and one day it will reveal itself. Death and all it's components travels throughout the planet and seizes whomever it chooses. It makes you wonder why it picks the person it does and why it leaves others to face the results of its decision. My grandmother recently died of cancer and all I felt was numb - empty. There were no tears yet this woman shaped my life and I truly loved her. I looked at her lying in that casket; who was this person? Has the world turned me into such a cold person that death truly has no sting at all or has the spiritual world taught me to not hold on so tight? Momarie was what we called her and she was a mother to many both family and friends. Some of the things she would do and her mannerism were not normal yet they became normal to me enough so that I find myself taking on some of those abnormal behaviors and sayings. Things were not always picture perfect within our household, but she made the whole house come to life with her shouting, laughing and sometime crying. Boy, what will our family come to without her holding it together. That's right the glue is gone and now someone else will have to take the mantel and run with it. I've decided that whomever takes the role, no one will ever replace or do it like Momarie. Karen Wilkerson Ramblings of a black woman.